We can all agree that being a bus dispatcher is not an easy line of work. They’re always on the phone and everybody expects them to solve all their problems. It may look like an easy office job on the outside, but in reality it is one of the more stressful ones. In fact, I’m even going to say that the more skilled you are at being a dispatcher, the worse off it for you. I also do not know any dispatcher who has lived past the age of 60. True story.
I had a tough time coming with a good headline for this article. One which came to my mind was ” Why are bus dispatchers the way they are?”. When I asked myself that, I got to the fact that there is probably no other way to do the job. As a coach driver, I’d love to say that the more respect you give to dispatchers, the more you’ll get – but to be honest, that’s not true. A relationship with a bus dispatcher is a similar one to a bad romantic relationship. Be strict and they’ll be nice to you. But if you’re nice to them – they will walk all over you.
However, today’s topic is not about bashing on one another. It’s all about having a good laugh and sharing your experiences. Last week I asked the question “What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard from a dispatcher?” on a few facebook groups. Not just that the answers are hilarious, but they are also the same worldwide, in many different countries and languages.
What’s The Most Ridiculous Thing You’ve Heard From a bUS dISPATCHER?
The Bird
“How did the bird hit the windshield?” – Bryant
You really can’t make this stuff up, can you? This is a great example of a technique they use, where they are doing as much as possible to make the driver guilty of an accident.
Frozen Margarita
Got it running one winter morning after -30 wind chill. Made it a quarter mile and she shut down in the middle of the road.
Called and said “Bus died in the street. They had me do all kinds of restarts and resets. I said I’m pretty sure the fuel gelled up because the glass filter cover looks like a frozen margarita.
They said and I quote “That’s not likely to happen, these new engines run hotter so it’s gotta be something else.”
– Aaron
One of the requirements for being a bus dispatcher should be to have at least basic technical understanding about how vehicles work as well as route management. Unfortunately, that’s not how it is. A university diploma is worth far more than experience nowadays, because who knows more about getting a replacement bus ASAP than someone who is fresh out of school.
The Flat Tire
I have a flat tire
“shut the bus all the way down and restart it “
- – Wendy
This one actually made me chuckle a little bit. If I didn’t have a spare and got that response, I’d put the phone under the wheel, run over it and start a new life in Argentina.
Avalanche
At my old company they asked a driver who had been knocked 40 feet off the road straight down the mountain by an avalanche if he could drive it back onto the road…. – Carol
Maybe when I said bus dispatchers need some basic knowledge I was asking for too much. Because when you get questions like this, it makes you wonder if they have common sense. It’s either that or that they have an advanced, cruel level of humor that’s going over all of our heads. I really hope its the second one.
Now this one is a classic. Nothing is more of an old time favourite than the:
“You’re the only one available” – Shawn
Or if you want to kick it up a notch, there is also the “You’re the best man for the job!”. A dispatcher at my old company had a system that never failed him when he would call a driver. He’d usually begin with the softer ones which would probably say yes to anything. Path of least resistance, guys.
One of our readers had dispatchers who could drive as well. This is his story:
This guy was afraid of stick shifts
I had higher seniority than this particular dispatcher…
He would make up the schedule for the next and drive that day and him and I would do the same work(shuttles) for 12 hrs… However the morning dispatcher had already done the schedule so no need for him to do it..
I had called in to sign off and asked what I’m driving tomorrow, as I would be in before the first dispatcher would arrive.
I got the number, it was a nice newish automatic to work with. The other one was a MCI 102, a 40 ft (12m) gear grinder, so nobody really liked them. Not fun to drive in stop and go traffic, and the super heavy clutch made it worse.
So next day I come and double check to make sure it’s the same bus… It was a busy night before so you never know..
I had to call the emergency line to ask where my bus was as it was not in the yard. The emergency dispatcher on this morning gives me the mci… I asked “Oh what happened to the auto?”, gave him the number and he said it’s on run two, you’re run one so mci is yours..
I said alright..no problem, which the dispatchers appreciate..so I start my runs.
After two runs i pull up to the depot for a quick pitstop, also went to say hi to the morning dispatchers. The one who made the schedule asked me what I was doing in that bus. This is where it gets good.
I had no problem but the dispatcher was on to something and really wanted to get to the bottom of this. It looks like someone (another of the dispatchers) erased the info they had down and switched buses and runs. As the buses had two way radios they confronted the other guy.
What did he say?
“Hello..and before you go in on me i took the bus home…
I changed the numbers around, I didn’t want to drive the stick all day”
They say “welp that ain’t up to you” and ask me if I want to switch to the auto. I say nah it’s alright.
What I found out later is they kept him out of dispatch for 4 months. And for those 4 months he drove nothing but stick shifts everyday and we had alot of them from prevost sticks, which are pretty decent to drive and of course the mci sticks. Needless to say he eventually took a different role in the company..until it was pulled apart and sold separately.
Justice is best served cold. The fact that the guy went to risk so much just not to drive a stick shift for a day is what’s funny to me. Here we just bribe the head dispatcher and we’re good for years.
Dirty Bus
“Only wash one side of the bus, the one that the passengers board on. They never see the other side.” – Sol
Okay, here I actually felt called out a bit. If I don’t have time to wash both sides, then I’ll do the side they board on. However, I’m going to one up this one. Some 7 or 8 years ago we had a midnight route that took around 4 and a half hours in one direction. The dispatcher sent a 20 year old suburban Setra 3 series to do the job because “it’s night, people aren’t going to see that the bus is old and that there’s no a/c“.
Have your own story? Post it in the comments down below!
And with that I’m going to wrap up this week’s article. If there are any bus dispatchers reading this, I apologize if you found yourselves offended. But I definitely hope you got a good laugh out of it. If you have even better stories, post them in the comments below and who knows – maybe we’ll make a new post on the topic soon! Oh and if you haven’t – definitely check out the Driver’s Health 101 Handbook. It costs nothing and it might save your life one day!
See you next week!